Wednesday, May 6, 2009

What Reality Show Do You Dream About?

Okay, I admit it. I watch a lot of reality TV. Not an insane amount, and not the crappy “Fear Factor” type shows, but I do have the dubious honor of having watched every season of Survivor (and I’m STILL loving it). I watch Project Runway religiously, I love American Idol, and I stuck with The Amazing Race through at least six seasons and The Apprentice for at least three. I also have had the occasional fling with cooking shows (I watched Finding the Next Iron Chef), hair cutting shows (Shear Genius, which sucked), and the Bachelorette (but never the Bachelor). Let’s face it—I’m a competitive girl, and reality TV puts me in my happy place.

One of the few advantages of being a light sleeper (the only other one I can think of being the ability to wake quickly in a fire) is that I remember my dreams. Most of them, at least, and some of them quite vividly. And it turns out I have a surprising number of dreams in which I am a contestant on a reality TV show.

So what reality TV show do I dream I’m on? Is it Project Runway, where my creative-but-unskilled tendencies are transformed into high-fashion? No. Is it Survivor, where I can be a somewhat-older-but-badass chick who outschemes them all? No. Is it The Amazing Race, where a cool head can sometimes overcome the brash speed of youth and athleticism? No.

The reality show I dream I’m on—the one reality show I ever dream I’m on—is America’s Next Top Model.

What the fuck? I will confess that Top Model is one of my absolute favorite TV shows. It never fails to make me happy (although the first few episodes of every season—when all the girls scream every time they see Tyra—are always annoying). It feeds my girly-girl needs, which generally are starved by my frugal lifestyle, married status, and inability to wear pretty shoes.

But why is Top Model the one show that keeps appearing in my dreams? I can’t think of anything I would be worse at. I mean, okay, my health isn’t good enough for me to be in any of the others, but I could at least pretend that if I had a strong back and normal blood sugar I could compete on some of them. But Top Model? First, it goes without saying that I don’t have the looks to be a model. I’m not tall enough, I am 14 sizes too big, and I’m am pretty ordinary-looking (though I do clean up nice!). But more importantly than that, I am the LEAST photogenic person I know. I’m not making this up—EVERY photo of me comes out ugly. The most comforting thing I can hear when people look at pictures of me is that this is NOT what I actually look like. (Note: blurry picture up top of my blog is one of the best ever taken of me, and the out-of-focus-ness of it is a big part of that.)

And it’s not like, in my Top Model dreams, I’m a different (a.k.a. more model-esque) person. I guess I’m a bit thinner (I would have to be, right?), but I still am over-model-weight and I struggle with my skin and hair and I still take TERRIBLE photos. Which means that these dreams are stressful, not blissful. All I can do each time is pray that there’s someone else on the show who’s worse than I am, so I can survive another week. (I did onetime dream I was on a hybrid Top Model/Survivor show, once, too. Though I don’t think I was losing any weight.)

Anyway, as a hippie-feminist Vassar girl, I think it is both amusing and ironic that when I go to sleep at night, I dream of being a contestant on America’s Next Top Model.

11 comments:

kate said...

I have sitcom dreams. I'm always meeting characters from sitcoms or tv dramas, etc., and I'm always trying to figure out how to "be cool", like to not spaz because I'm hanging with a bunch of famous people. Apparently, I've got some inadequacy issues...

I, too, am a fan of reality TV (though I've never gotten in to America's Next Top Model). I'm very picky about which shows I follow, but I admit to following many of them and becoming way too emotionally involved with them.

Newt said...

Ha ha ha! Oh, that would be my worst nightmare, having ANTM dreams. As another non-photogenic hippie feminist, I'm glad my subconscious never thought of that. I hope you haven't given it any ideas!

Astrid said...

This is hilarious. I think i I have almost exactly the same taste in TV as you - the reality shows you mentioned are my happy place too. Some people look forward to vacations, I look forward to next tues., wed. (especially wed) and thurs. The only difference I can spot is that I like the bachelor too. And I would have added Hell's Kitchen and Groomer has it. And I'm not as funny as you :( So thanks for the uplifting post.

one-hit_wonder said...

You are an awesome hippie-feminist! :) With cool dreams, too, I might add.

A have a few friends who never photograph anything like they look in real life. I don't know what it is.

annacyclopedia said...

I don't have TV dreams, but I do love ANTM. I am such a geek that when the dog and I are cuddled up on the couch watching it, I like to whisper along with Tyra... "there are 6 beautiful ladies standing before me, but I only have 5 photos in my hands..." Pure drama!

Astrid said...

Hey, me again, thanks for the very helpful comment. Funny thing - I happened to log on and find it while i was watching none other than ANTM. I do need to put my b*!$# hat on w/ my obg, I am getting pretty tired of the whole thing. Thx again for giving me the nudge I needed :)

DAVs said...

This was funny! We, too, watch ANTM. Addictively. My DH watches right along with me, and it's such a guilty pleasure. But that stinks about the stressful dreams--no fair having stressful dreams about your favorite show.

We love PR too. So sad that the season has been so delayed, but apparently Bravo is premiering its attempt at replacing PR tonight...so naturally I'll be tuning in.

Good Egg Hunting said...

This is so funny! I, too, love reality shows...though they don't stop with the competitive ones. I think if I were to dream of being in one, I would be tooling around NYC with the Real Housewives...breaking up fights between Bethenny and Kelly and helping the Countess write her self-righteous manners book.

Shinejil said...

Lately, I've been dreaming about Hell's Kitchen, or more specifically that Gordon Ramsey pops out of nowhere screaming for an order of John Dory and letting the world know that it's NOT GOOD ENOUGH!!!

Not sure what that says about me, but it's entertaining.

Barb said...

hahahahahaha. Oh my gosh you are so funny. I agree with you on the beginning shows being SO annoying.. esp the ones where Tyra is all dramatic about herself. But yes, I feel a draw to that show sometimes too. It's weird. I do love the photo shoots though. I could just watch photo shoots and their results all day. It's art to me.

I have dreamt I was on that show and not any prettier than I am now. I remember they were mad that I was short.

My favorite and the one I dream about the most though is The Amazing Race. Ahhh. Hope you are well.

Astrid said...

For an insightful and entertaining blog, you have been awarded The Honest Scrap Award !