Yesterday we went to a pregnant-person doctor for the first time. The night before, I mentioned to J that “maybe he would clear us to start having sex again.”
“I don’t know,” he responded.
“What do you mean you 'don't know?' You don’t want to have sex with me?” I asked, somewhat suspicious at this change of heart.
“It just doesn’t seem right,” he admitted, “what with you carrying another man’s child.”
* * * * * * * *
Going to the pregnancy doctor was strange, very strange. There were all these pregnant women in the waiting room, and two of them had teeny tiny babies with them as well. Can you imagine? I mean, I know that women have back-to-back babies, but there was one woman with a baby that couldn’t have been older than two months. And if she’s already seeing the pregnancy doctor, you have to assume she’s at least a few weeks pregnant, right? How the hell did she manage that?
And I’ve discovered that I don’t like looking at hugely pregnant women. They totally freak me out. Is that going to happen to me? It’s one thing to want this in theory, and to know in my mind that I’m inevitably going to end up huge (no escaping it with twins). It’s quite another to realize that this actually is going to happen to my own body. You know, the body I live in? The one I have to live in all the time? It’s just freaky.
The bottom line is that everything looks good, and nothing I told the doc about my medical history (which is all pretty much pregnancy history) concerned him that much. He wasn’t even going to do a sono, but when I told him I really wanted to know the babies were still alive, he squeezed me in with the sono tech. Not much to show in the way of pictures, but two strong heartbeats had me grinning ear-to-ear.
My god, I think we’re really going to do this.
* * * * * * * *
Oh my god, I MUST clarify the opening comment. J was TOTALLY JOKING about the "carrying another man's child" thing. I posted it because he had me on the floor laughing after he said it.
I don't think he's having any trouble at all dealing with the donor situation. Both of us are just so thrilled to finally be on our way to parenthood.
Oh, and the doctor said "not yet" to the sex thing. :-(
12 comments:
If I could afford it (high deductible insurance) I'd pay to go every week to the maternal-fetal-mediciine specialist, where they have the high end, state of the art, u/s machine just to keep me sane!
Now that I am in the second trimester, I am beginning to think this just may happen for me, too. Wow.
About 6 weeks after your baby is born you have to go back to the pregnant-person-doctor (or midwife!) to make sure that you are healing and that everything is okay. So, maybe they weren't pregnant again, but there for their post-partum check up. : ) Congratulations from one former-infertile to another.
So....did you ask your doctor about sex? What does your DH think now? From your writing about his change of heart, it seems like he is struggling with this now? ~ I hope you can talk through this - I can only imagine how hard it is....((((hugs))))
We have had conversations about DS and "what if's"....but not chosen that road, yet.
I hear you...it is a different world in there. And yes, it is so strange to watch this thing happen to your own body, even after trying for it for so long. I laugh when I look in the mirror sometimes, because it all seems so impossible. I am SO thrilled for you, though, and I hope with every passing day you get more and more comfortable with everything -- from the new doctor's office to your changing body.
I'm having some of those same feelings of incredulity as I head off to my first prenatal class in a few hours. I still have lots of moments where I can't believe we are really here. But at the same time, it is the most wonderful weird feeling in the world. I can't wait until you are looking at your own big belly with awe and amazement, feeling freaked out. Cause as strange as it is, it is also the best feeling ever.
J's reaction about sex has me thinking - Manny seems to have lost all interest lately, and I wonder if there is something similar going on with him. Earlier it was not a problem, but I wonder now. Thanks for sharing that - I will have to ask and find out what is going on, and doing it from a position of curiosity is much better than whining about "don't you find me sexy anymore now that I fart all the time and grunt when I have to get out of a chair?"
Oh my god, must comment and edit post--J was JOKING about the sex thing. Totally cracked me up!!!
I read your opening comment and thought that he was an awfully funny guy. Unless of course he was serious in which case, he's a dick. Thanks for clarifying that he's the former not the latter!
Glad to hear that the twins are still flickering away in there, and glad to hear that you got confirmation of that fact.
Wow. You've moved on to a REAL pregnant person doctor. That's so momentous!
It's one of the oddest parts of this whole thing, the getting really huge bit. But it happens fairly gradually, so while you do start to wonder when you'll be able to bend down and tie your shoe without plotting the maneuver, it's not as shocking as seeing big ladies on that first visit.
I'm so thrilled for all four of you!
I felt (and STILL) feel the same way about giant pregnant bellies.
When I actually had one, it was like an out-of-body experience the whole time. I NEVER was able to really "believe" it was happening, and looking back can barely remember what it felt like. Weird!
My OB, by the way, claims he's had patients get pregnant just eight weeks after having a baby. Now, these are "civilians" he's referring to of course, not infertiles.
Anyway, happy to hear things are going so well. You so deserve it, sister!
Hee-hee! Your husband is hilarious...
Yay that things are going well! Hope you don't freak yourself out when you are hugely pregnant!
whoa, i'm glad you clarified the opening dialogue! lol i was really worried at first!
my dh also makes the most hilarious remarks that sometimes other people think are horribly offensive (because they don't realize he's joking). e.g., he calls our baby The Enemy. i think it's funny, though. lol
Oh lord, that is hilarious~
I hope everything is going well.
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