Friday, July 25, 2008


Newsflash: I am not superwoman. Disappointing, I know, but clearly true.

A brief (very brief, for reasons that will become apparent) rundown:

1. Oral argument on Tuesday went really well. I felt crappy about it right afterward, as I had a very time answering the judges' questions at the beginning. But as soon as I conceded defeat on the facts, and started focusing on the "big" picture, urging them not to make a broad ruling over such crappy facts, they stopped peppering me with cranky questions and started listening and nodding. And they've already ruled--I won the "good" loss, if that makes any sense. Lost on the facts, but no big, long-ranging rule for the future. So they did exactly what I asked them to.

2. NY presentation went horribly. I had hit the end of the road, maxed out on my adrenaline reserves, and was prepared only for things to go smoothly. When my c0-presented hogged most of our time, leaving me with only 10 minutes to cover 30 minutes worth of material, I was just too damn tired to think quickly enough on my feet to cut down my presentation properly. So instead I raced through it--I doubt I made any sense, and I'm suspecting I made a bit of a fool out of myself. Making matters worse, my co-presenter was this skinny, makeup-less, hot NY lesbian chick who was witty and interesting, and the crowd loved her. I felt like an overly madeup hick with a negative cool factor.

3. NY was otherwise kind of fun, but I was too tired to really enjoy it. I ended up picking kind of a crappy restaurant by the theatre, and had ridiculously overpriced tiny salmon in a place that was too loud for us to talk. Annoying. The show was pretty damn cool, though. We saw Spring Awakening, which is a rock musical about the coming-of-age sexuality of teens, set in the 1890's. The ending kind of sucked, but overall the show was really great. Kick-ass design, especially. Mad props to both the set and lighting designers. Wow.

4. Came home to discover my motion for more time to file my brief is going to be DENIED, even though plaintiff consented to it. So I'm basically fucked. It's due Wednesday, and it's just so nowhere near being written. Looks like another weekend of working at home. Haven't had a weekend off since JUNE now.

5. Oh, and my poor kitties have fleas. No idea how that happened, as they don't go outside. I've never had it happen before. Maybe McNulty picked them up in all his time at the vet in June? Anyway, poor little Val is horribly infested. She's old, and has worse resistance, I guess. So on top of my exhaustion I have had to traumatize my little kitty with nasty chemical sprays, lotions, and a flea collar. And we've been washing almost everything in the house. I guess I'm pretty traumatized as well. (Jason's comment: Just think, if all goes well, in 10 years we'll be dealing with head lice.)

6. I feel horribly inadequate. I think it must be hormonal, because I was feeling all right about myself last month, before I started this cycle. But I just feel self-conscious and fat and humiliated and incapable of coping with the harsh realities of life. I'm trying to keep telling myself it's not real, it's just the drugs. (I thought that was only something you had to repeat to yourself when tripping, but I guess this isn't all that different.)

So now I have to write my brief. I'll be back in touch on the flip side of all this.


annacyclopedia said...

Doesn't it just totally blow not to be Superwoman?

You'll get through this. And you are coping with the harsh realities of life - it just hurts. Just cause it hurts doesn't mean you're not coping beautifully. In fact, if you were all zen and graceful and happy about everything, I'd suspect you were on more than just the drugs you're on.

Offering you hugs, not drugs. Although if I had magical, life-pain-taking-away-y drugs, I would share them with you.

Ally said...

It's okay that you're not Superwoman. You do amazing and super things to the best of your ability all the time and I think that's much more admirable.

I wish you a quiet, work-free weekend in the very near future and a peaceful, calm place in your heart and mind to retreat to when it all gets to be too much.

Joonie said...

But of course you are Superwoman! There is just too much Kryptonite out there!

I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. I hope things get better for you.

kate said...

Ah, dude. You are beyond adequate, this I know.

I'm sorry NY was so crappy. This is clearly due to the fact that the universe meant to send you to NC, but got the letters wrong, and so sent all the good vibes to the wrong place. And now, you'll have to find a way sometime to come to NC. Then all will be right in the world.
Okay, that's probably not true, but still- someday, wouldn't it be cool to hang out, like, OUTSIDE the computer?

Anyway, sorry for the insane busy-ness right now. I'm so with you. August 13th can't come soon enough. I'll have a whole entire week off for the first time in forever (well, the first time for non-surgical purposes in forever).

And suck about the flea thing. Poor kitties!

And once again, just to reiterate, you are NOT inadequate! You are an awesome woman! An amazing kick-ass-lawyer-chick! Rock on, girl!

Shinejil said...

Frontline is the best way to get rid of fleas, esp. if you don't want to fumigate (which we hippies don't). Works like a charm. Our cats are indoors, but they got fleas from the nasty-ass shag carpet we finally ripped out of our pathetic old house. You can also track fleas in on your shoes.

It's definitely the drugs.

I'm sending you all sort of mental energy to get through the next few days. You're amazing, and you're going to rock your way through this.

Pepper said...

Working weekends is BULL, especially when you weren't expecting to. Damn. I hate that on your behalf.

Hope the brief goes quickly.

Rebeccah said...

OMG. I've been wondering how your hellish schedule was treating you. Hooray for the oral argument. Avoiding the big broad ruling is a triumph. NY - pshaw, who cares what they think? Working every weekend since June BITES! (Kinda like fleas, only worse.) You, my dear, need a nice long vacation. Any chance that will happen soon?

Oh, and the mood you're in? I'd say half legitimate overworkedness and half drugs. Neither of which is your fault, both of which always make things seem more miserable than they are, and this assvice I'm spouting isn't very helpful, is it? I'll close with: Been there, done that, it all sucks, this too shall pass, and hang in there!

Ms Heathen said...

No-one can do everything brilliantly all of the time. Sometimes the best we can hope for is to muddle through.

I'm thinking of you as you try to juggle all that is going on in your life at the moment.

Barb said...

I always feel paranoid, unhappy and inadequate when on treatments. Must be those damn drugs.


La La said...

Mmmm, poor kitties. I hate fleas! Have you tried those meds like Advantage (I think that's what it's called)? Whenver we have an infestation I do that and then a carpet powder and that pretty much takes care of it.