Overreaction?

Yesterday, I became really angry––perhaps “incensed” is a better term––at the nurses at my RE’s office. Today I’m wondering if I overreacted.

I went in for my sono and bloodwork on Tuesday morning. The way it is supposed to work, the way it always works, is that the nurses call that same afternoon with instructions. So on Tuesday afternoon, the new nurse (the one who, BTW, told me in May that maybe my infertility was God’s way of giving me a chance to rest before having a child) called me and told me that the nurses would be talking to my RE the next day (yesterday) about my plan for this cycle, and they would call me then. Fine, no biggie. I think, though I’m not sure, that in my last cycle I didn’t start the pill until cycle day 5. As yesterday was cycle day 4, I wasn’t worried.

The phones at my RE’s office get shut off at 4:00, which is a constant source of frustration for me. So at 3:30 I called in to let them know I still hadn’t heard from anyone about what I was supposed to be doing, and that I still needed a BCP prescription. The receptionist said the nurses were doing call-backs and would call me back later. They’re usually really good about this, so I was fine with that. At the time, I even though it would be fine if I talked to them today, because I’m pretty sure my first pill would be tonight.

But when 7:00 rolled around last night, and I still hadn’t gotten a call, I suddenly freaked out. Not so much about my cycle, because I think it’s still okay, but because I need to be able to trust that they WILL call me when they say they will. I was so goddamn mad, and so freaked out. If I can’t know that they’ll make their calls after 4:00, I’m going to feel like I always have to call them before that time. Even though usually my calls with instructions usually come after 4:00. (This is because, as I’ve surmised over the years, they prioritize their call-backs. Beta tests rightfully come first, around 2:00 when the tests come in. Then they start doing the IVF calls, which can take from 2:00 to 5:00. Then they do the other calls, which are a bit less time-sensitive.)

So I got home and e-mailed my RE. I didn’t bitch her out or anything, but I was really upset and said so, and mentioned that if I can’t trust the nurses to call, I’m going to need an after-hours phone number where I can actually get through. I’m telling you, I was totally freaking out. My heart was racing, and I was filled with bitter rage. J leaned over my shoulder as I was re-reading my e-mail and said softly, “Remember, don’t e-mail mad.” Hitting “send,” I said, “too late.”

Then I got all stressed out about the e-mail that I sent, but you can’t call those back. I finally ended up taking a xanax last night to settle down.

Today I’m feeling sheepish about the whole thing. Part of me thinks that it’s just that they know I’m a veteran, so they assume that I can be told what’s going on at the last minute and not freak out. They’re wrong. I do know what’s going on—I’d lay money on me starting the BCP tonight. But that doesn’t mean I don’t freak out. I’m kind of the Freak Out Queen. (Not as fun as being Kick-Ass Lawyer Chick, I assure you.)

So now I wait. I’ll call after 10:00, when they’re done with morning monitoring, and see what the hell happened.

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Epilogue: Everything is fine. I called and was transferred to New Nurse, who said she hadn't called becuase they still hadn't figure out what we were doing this cycle (which is odd, because I don't think very much is going to change). I told her she really had to return calls, even if just to tell me that they would work it out the next day and not to worry, and I told her how freaked out that had made me. She then put me on hold and my favorite nurse came on the line a few minutes later and apologized over and over again for New Nurse not calling me back, and assured me that I wasn't overreacting. (Which I still might have been, but as Io pointed out in the comments, I'm a crazy hormonal cycling freakazoid who just wrote a check for an insane amount of money, so soothing me is still a good idea.)

I start the BCP tonight, and Favorite Nurse will make sure CVS has it in stock when she calls it in, so I don't end up screwed this evening when I go to get it.

Have I mentioned how much I love my RE's office? (Note major mood swing--and these are just my normal late-period hormones!) I'm not a big fan of New Nurse, and hate the Billing Bitch, but my doctor and the other two nurses are awesome. THIS is why I fought so hard to stay with this office for shared risk, rather than face the Big Bad Factory Fertility Clinic in our area.