Tuesday, July 7, 2009

"Our Guy"

We found our donor!

Last week I was sick as hell. This is the second time in two months that J has brought home a cold, been sick for 2-3 days, then cheerfully moved on with his life while I am sucked into a two-week-long tailspin that (at least last time) ended in a round of antibiotics. I swear, next time that man gets the sniffles he’s sleeping in the car.

And all this while we were mid-donor-search. I had ordered “personal profiles” on five more guys, and had flagged a couple of them for J to look at and order medical records. I told him earlier in the week that I really needed him to go through the medicals—he’s in a lull right now and I just don’t have the time. But I was still pretty sure that I was going to have to go through them at some point. After all, it took some time for me to get him to even look at the donor lists.

So I’m sitting on the couch, drinking my “gypsy cold care” tea and watching the Bachelorette (how can Jilly not see that Wes is such a slimeball?), when J walks in and pauses my program.

“I’m done,” he announces.

“Done?” I repeat, wondering what the hell he’s talking about. I take a stab in the dark, “You mean you found our guy?”

“Found him,” he confirms smugly. “Come on, take a look. I bought his baby picture.”

And on my computer screen is this blonde, bland-ish, adorable, blue-eyed toddler staring out at me. “Wow,” I said. “Is this one of the new guys I flagged for you?”

“Yup. The doctor. His medicals are clean. And check out is profile.” And then he starts running down the highlights: kick-ass SATs, MCATs, grades. Practicing physician. All-star athletics for both high school and college.

“And look at his facial features.” J was practically bouncing on his toes. “The only one that doesn’t match me is that he doesn’t have freckles.” (I still get a little misty-eyed at this—it wasn’t until we were deep into profiles that I realized J really wanted to find someone with features similar to his.)

“Is this the guy with two kids?” I ask.

“Uh-huh,” J responded smugly. “He’s perfect.”

Then we looked to see if he was available. No ICI (which is what our RE recommended), but under IUI it said “call.” Earlier in the week J had called the cryobank to see what that meant, and had been told they list “call” (rather than ordering online) when there were fewer than 20 samples left of that donor.

We looked at each other for a moment, then both started talking at the same time:

“I’m going to e-mail [our RE] and see if IUI is okay,” I said.

“I’m going to call the cryobank,” he said.

So I sent my e-mail and then paced around impatiently while he talked to the cryobank.

“Mmm-hmm. Uh-huh. Okay. Can you do that for us?,” he said, looking across the hall at me as I sat on the bed watching him. Finally, after what seemed like a really long time, he put down the phone.

“Our guy’s pretty popular,” he said, “there was only one sample left.”


“And they’re holding it for us.”

Yesterday J bought the sample. It’s ours. This little piece of our perfect guy is ours.

I’m so happy about how this turned out. Every time I think about it I smile. I thought this was going to be hard. I thought we would get our short list and agonize over what we found. I had envisioned a pro/con list, or a chart where we compared medicals with personality or facial features with physical abilities. I thought I would have to put hours into reviewing medical files.

And I thought that I would have to push J to make the decision.

I really wanted this to be J’s choice—I wanted him to feel like he still was providing the sperm (albeit from a vendor), that it was his contribution to our child. I should have known he’d be up to the task once he put his mind to it. He’s always been a good shopper—he just goes in and gets it done, just like that. (Which is why we don’t shop together. I drive him crazy looking at everything 10 times and he makes me feel rushed so I make bad decisions.)

And the fact that we got the last sample just makes it all that much sweeter. After all, if everyone else wants a piece of this guy we must be onto something, right?

So now I’m thinking the cryobank needs to add a new column to the search feature: the ability to sort donors by “most popular.” After all, if it works for Amazon and Zappos and Art.com, why not for sperm donors?


Shinejil said...

Wow, how cool that J stepped in so passionately to the search and helped you find what you needed.

Now, I'm going to be crossing all my digits that soon you'll be talking about a new kind of "our guy" (or gal, for that matter)...

Astrid said...

YAY, what a wonderful story. I'm thrilled that the outcome was amenable to J after all. And (SPOILER ALERT IF YOU DVDed BACHELORETTE) thank GOD Wes finally got kicked last night, right? This season is starting to actually hold a candle to last season's bachelor! What a DB. I think he's done more harm than good to his career.

annacyclopedia said...

This just makes me all misty - I am SO happy for you! Some of the best moments for me in this journey have been when Manny has totally stepped up and I didn't really expect him to. It is wonderful to get those reminders of how much you are loved and how much you are in this together. I am so glad that choosing your donor was that kind of experience for you.

And yay for finding your perfect donor!

Malloryn said...

That's great! I'm glad that J was able to get so involved in the search. It sounds like you both picked a good one. I want to wish you all the best in the next part of the journey!

Peeveme said...

I'm telling you...it takes looking at donor numerous times and then suddenly it all falls into place.

Io said...

Shit, this guy sounds great. I am so glad J was able to get all into the process like that too!

Ally said...

Hee-I love the idea of ordering the sample online, much like we do at Zappos. I think you should run with the idea. It would be a huge money-maker!

More importantly, CONGRATULATIONS on finding your collective Mr. Right. I'm thrilled and excited for you!

And, on a ridiculous note, why did it take Jillian so long to see the awful, ugly truth about the douche that was Wes?

K77 said...


Kate said...

Great news on finding what sounds like the perfect donor! Hope this is a sign that the IUI will work right off the bat.
Then they'll just need to talk him into donating again a couple years from now when you want a sibling!

Barb said...

That's so FUCKING AMAZING!!!! :D! I'm so happy for you!!! It must be kind of like how you think there's no guy out there for you to marry or there's no wedding dress or any of those decisions and you agonize and dither and think it's going to take forever, and then you find, "the one."


Rambler said...

That's fantastic news! And getting equal partnership in the whole decision process. Sometimes over examining, rethinking over and over can drag on and become frustating. You settled right in and got it!

P.S..hope you are feeling better too!

Ms. J said...

Oh wow, this sounds like J's engaged, and stepping up! And finally you are catching a break (in nabbing the last sample!)

When would you start?

kate said...

I love the idea of a "most popular" column for donors!! And I love that you were able to find your donor, at last. And GOOD FOR J. Way to get in there and get the job done. I fear that H would be very indecisive about such a decision (well, actually, he would be extremely decisive, since he avows that he is 100% uninterested in using donor gametes of any kind...).

But yay! How awesome to have yourself ready to cross this threshold. A new journey! Cool!

Somewhat Ordinary said...

I found your blog a week or two ago. Congrats on finding your donor! I'm a DS mom and that process is so stressful. I've added you to my reader and can't wait to follow your journey!

If you are interested in reading mine or want to ask me anything (Donor related stuff can feel kind of lonely) you can e-mail at somewhatordinary at gmail dot com