Friday, May 30, 2008

It's All Over (Again)

Beta at 29. Not a viable pregnancy.

For some reason, my nurse has decided that I should stay on my meds (and not drink or take xanax or anything like that) until I get new beta results on MONDAY. I'm really pissed about this. I mean, there is no fucking chance that this is viable.

So I've asked my doc (via e-mail) for a second opinion. Hopefully she'll write back by tomorrow and tell me to do whatever makes me feel good.

Thanks for all the support. Sorry for the letdown. Again. and Again. Here comes miscarriage number FOUR.

39 comments:

Kim said...

I'm incredibly sorry. This just plain sucks.

peesticksandstones said...

I swear I've checked back about 100 times today waiting for an update, and was reeeeeally hoping for an awesome number. You so deserve that. I am incredibly, incredibly sorry.

Hoping your doctor cuts you a break here -- that is pretty ridiculous to stay on the meds. Do you think it's some kinda thing they do to make you feel better, milk that last bit of hope? Seems evil to me. But I recall receiving similar instructions with 2 of my losses, I believe.

Sending you the biggest, warmest hugs imaginable. This just blows. But I'm here anytime you need me, lady! Stay strong.

Malloryn said...

I am so sorry. I kept checking today hoping for good results. This just sucks. Please take care of yourself and vent as much as you need to. We're here to listen or to provide a bunch of virtual shoulders to cry on. ::hugs::

Joonie said...

Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. Looks like I'm right behind you though.

carrie said...

i'm SO sorry.

luna said...

so sorry. that just truly blows.

Io said...

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
FUCK.
Dammit.
I'm sorry.
If you need *anything*...
::hugs::

seriously? said...

I so sorry, I have been stalking you today waiting for news. I was so hoping it would be good news.

Again so sorry.

Pepper said...

De-lurking (and admitting to a small amount of stalking) to say that I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. I hope your doc disagrees with the nurse. Wishing you peace and healing.

MomMD said...

I am so very sorry. I have no other words... I wish I knew what to say to bring you some comfort. You're in my thoughts and prayers. :::hugs:::

annacyclopedia said...

Shit. I'm so very sorry. For this and that you are having to go through this again. Wishing you healing and peace, and keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

DC said...

I am so sorry this is happening to you again. And it really sucks that the nurse is insisting you can't do anything remotely fun or soothing. I hope your doctor gives you the OK. Sending you lots of hugs.

Bean said...

Crap! That really sucks and I'm soooo sorry.

Rebeccah said...

I'm so very sorry. Chemical pgs are the worst.

K77 said...

Oh fuck. I'm so sorry.

Sue said...

I don't have anything new to add, just that I'm so sorry. Please take care of yourself.

Jen said...

I'm so sad and so angry for you. I can't tell you how sorry I am that you have to go through this. Again.
If there is anything I can do, you know where to find me...

JJ said...

Im am so very sorry...

Paranoid said...

I'm so, so sorry. This sucks.

beautycourage said...

Oh sweetie I am SO sorry. This whole thing just sucks and there is nothing really to say except that something good MUST come out of this, someday. I know how defeated you must feel. You are not alone. I really hope your MD let you stop the meds this weekend, and that you allow yourself a glass of wine or a few. Take care.

Ms. J said...

This just f'in sucks.

I am so deeply sorry. You have been through so much. Too much.

Mrs.X said...

I am so, so sorry. Nothing much else to say.

Katie said...

Blah. I am so sorry. Screw the no drinking, I say and pour yourself a grande glass of vino.

Katie said...

I am sorry for your loss. Recurrent miscarriage sucks. Hard.

kcmarie122 said...

Oh my gosh....I'm so sorry! My heart hurts for you!

Ally said...

Sweetie, I'm so, so sorry. If I lived closer, I would be at your door with ice cream and alcohol.

La La said...

OH sweetie, I'm so sorry that you have go to through this! I'll be thinking about you.

Pamela Jeanne said...

Beyond f*cking unfair.

Shinejil said...

Fucking hell.

And to top it all off, the stoopid restrictions and continued meds. Grrr.

You know we're all here for you. I'm so, so sorry that you've had to go through so much.

kate said...

Shit. Shiiiiit. Fuck fuck fuck.

I'm so incredibly sorry. You deserve so much better. I say take the fucking Xanax, or at the very least have several large glasses of wine.

I'm thinking of you- if there's anything at all that you want or need, please let me know.

Dreamer4agift said...

I'm so so sorry

Ms Heathen said...

I'm so, so sorry. This must be unbelievably hard on you. You are very much in my thoughts.

Kymberli said...

I'm so sorry. That doesn't even cut it, but I am. :(

Michell said...

Shit. I'm so very sorry. I hope the doctor gave you a break and disagreed with the nurse. I'm so sorry.

kate said...

I'm a week behind with BSG, too. I saw a scattered 10 minutes of the last episode after coming home late ('cos I was at a friend's house drinking really good tequila, and way too much of it...). I knew there was a reason I liked you! I will totally let you know what I think of the book.

And yes, I think my husband has a mild obsession with Katee Sackhoff. But then again, I've got a total girl-crush on her, too! She's just such an ass-kicker!

Shelli said...

Delurking to say I am so sorry that you are going through this.

Barb said...

I am so sorry hon. I wish there was anything we could do...

JuliaS said...

I've had several miscarriages too and know how devastatingly hard and frustrating they can be.

Wishing you better things to come.

Rachel said...

I"m so sorry. I've had four losses as well. I know nothing can make it hurt less, but I find comfort discovering other people with similar experiences. I'm thinking of you.