Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Bed Rest for My Busted Ovary

This week has sucked, big time. Sunday morning, right after I left the doctor’s office from getting blood drawn, my left ovary started to really hurt. You remember Low-Performing Lefty? My super-wussy ovary that totally fell through this last cycle? The one that apparently could produce only itty bitty follicles (though many) while Righty was going on to fame and glory? Yeah, that ovary.

I should have turned the car around and gone back for a sono. But you know how it is—I practically live in doctor’s offices, and I just didn’t want to go back. By the time I got home, a carload of groceries in tow, it was really hurting and I was starting to freak out. I managed to get the perishables away before I collapsed into bed, trying not to cry.

Here’s the thing. I’ve had pain like this before. JUST like this, though on the other side. And it landed me in the emergency room alone overnight with an ectopic pregnancy. (Story HERE for those interested in me crying a lot.) So while my rational side was saying that, four days after a 3-day transfer, there was no fucking way it could possibly be an ectopic pregnancy, the less rational side of me was thinking that there was no fucking way I was going to call my doc, who might send me to spend the day in the ER.

And the pain eased up quite a bit once I lay down on my right side, taking the pressure off Lefty. Which was totally not how an ectopic feels, so I felt safe enough in waiting it out. I figured it was probably a cyst or something that had burst, and the worst was over.

But that doesn’t mean I was fine with it. The thing is, I was out of work all of last week, and had been on bed rest for three days (two required by my RE, one precautionary on my own initiative), and Sunday was going to be my day to get things done, ease back into the real world, and get ready to get back to the office. And I REALLY wanted to get back into the office. Staying home is so isolating, and it makes me really insecure.

By Sunday evening, when J finally got home, the pain had eased a lot. A day in bed will do that, I guess. So I figured I’d call my nurse in the morning and see if I had to go in for a sono. I was feeling good enough Monday morning that I confidently told the nurse that the pain was gone, and both she and my RE agreed that it had probably been a cyst and I didn’t need to go in.

But on the way to work my ovary started twingeing again, and by the time I got there it was truly aching. By 11:00 I gave up, called my RE, and took a cab home to get my car so I could go in for my sono. Can I tell you how much I HATE going all the way to work, only having to turn around and go back? Especially because I’m trying to keep a low profile about all this, and I’ve already been out a week (with a couple of days working from home), and I don’t want people wondering if I’m dying or something. (“Something” being the endless speculation I imagine, during my more paranoid times, my co-workers engage in about whether I’m pregnant.)

The good news is this: From the sono we learned that my ovary isn’t twisted, it’s just HUGE (twice the size as Righty) and has fluid around it. From the bloodwork I’ve now learned that it isn’t bleeding, which was one concern. But it is seriously hyperstimulated, and I am on superstrict bed rest. So superstrict that this has been my first chance to even write about it (unlike many of you Carrie-Bradshaw-like cuties out there, I can’t type in bed—I require my ergonomic keyboard, carpal tunnel brace, etc. or I end up seriously hurting). In fact, since Monday afternoon, all I have done is lie down and try to sleep, or sit in my recliner (all the way reclined) and try to watch TV.

I am such a bad patient. I am bored out of my fucking mind! And my body, my poor poor body, needs to be UPRIGHT for god’s sake! Do you know what it does to your digestive system to be laid flat all the time? HEARTBURN! Do you know what it does to your brain to be parallel with your body for days on end? BRAIN FUZZ! Do you know what it does to your muscles to lie there limply for a week straight? ACHING RESTLESSNESS! And I really should have just given in and bought stock in Gatorade. Ugh. Who’d have thought I’d ever get sick of Gatorade???

And so much for keeping a low profile at work. I’m floating the whole “stomach flu” story (not for my boss, of course, but for those not in the know), but how many times a year can you use that one? (“Stomach flu” is my new code at work for “miscarriage.”)

I hate being stuck in the house like this. I feel totally disoriented and exposed at the same time, restless and worthless and paranoid. I just want to be able to go to work every day and do my job like a normal person. I feel like a circus freak. Me and my massive ovary.

15 comments:

Io said...

Oh poop dude. I hope your ovary drains. Or, um, whatever ovaries do.

On the bright side, maybe you can join the circus and hang out with the bearded lady and the world's strongest man.

annacyclopedia said...

What a drag! So sorry you've been trapped in horizontal land. I really hope you can escape very soon and that Lefty decides to let go of all the fluid it's hanging on to.

Newt said...

Oh, what a drag that you have to stay flat. I'm so sorry.

Hope Lefty gets her act together and you can get back to your life soon. Thinking of you, sweetie.

Rebeccah said...

Owwwwww! Everything about that totally sucks! I'm so sorry ...

Jill said...

not fun! I hope it gets better soon!

Ms Heathen said...

I'm so sorry. I hope that you feel better soon, and are able to escape from the house in the next few days.

Pepper said...

Well, that's some shite, isn't it?

Does texting aggravate your carpal tunnel stuff? It's something you can do to pass the time and make a connection. I'm happy to text you a few jokes to keep you somewhat entertained while you're in your horizontal position. :-)

Lemme know! And hang in there.

BTW - Smart Water is supposed to have the same hydration properties as Gatorade without the Gatorade taste and calories.

Ms. J said...

I know I can't do jack sh*t for you, but I am commiserating for/with you.

It sucks. I agree with you. If anyone deserves a party, it's YOU.

Tell us what we can do out here for you? Distract you, change the topic of conversation, point out celebrities that have gained weight, rip on the uglier Olympic athletes?!

WUV YA!

Ally said...

I am so, so sorry. What a horrible and icky situation! I hope that things resolve quickly and safely and that you can get out of the freak show tent at the circus very, very soon! Take care of yourself.

beautycourage said...

Oh no--- I just read your sweet comment on my blog and came over to check and see what was happening. ARGH. This exact same thing happened to a friend of mine a couple of months ago and she then found out she is pregnant with twins. I don't know if that makes you feel any better. Probably not.

Bedrest sucks. Not being able to work sucks too. It's hard not to get really down about everything.

I'm reading a good book- "Edgar Sawtelle" by David Wroblewski. Not sure what your reading tastes are, but I am loving it!!!

Hang in there..... Please... we can do this....

Io said...

Hey lady, I'm thinking of you too - how them ovaries doing?

Joonie said...

I am so sorry! Bedrest is the worst!
On the plus side, hyperstimulation may mean pregnancy. I hope you feel better soon.

annacyclopedia said...

Sweetie, thank you so much for that wonderful comment. It is so helpful to hear from people who've gone through a lot more of this crap than I have and who have managed to gain some perspective. I've processed quite a lot since writing that post and have let go of a lot of that stuff, but it is hugely good to hear your words. So thank you from the bottom of my just slightly bruised heart.

How's Lefty?

Barb said...

Ugh. I'm so sorry. What a bummer. I had such horrible pain in my left (remember? our lefts must compare notes) ovary one time that I almost fainted on the bathroom floor. My obgyn's stupid nurse assured me that I was fine. sigh.

beautycourage said...

Checking in to say I hope you are hanging in there...