In about 5 minutes I leave for The Harvest, and I'm really worried. I used to get really nervous and scared about the procedure, but I've done it a few times and I know what to expect. No, what I'm scared about this morning is the results.
This cycle has not gone as well as the others. My right ovary exploded immediately into HUGE follicles, while lefty got all shy and wimpy with tiny follicles. We tried to wait for lefty, accepting the fact that we might lose a few of the frontrunners on righty, but lefty never really caught up. So now I'm worried that (a) I'll only get a few good eggs from righty, because the beauties will be lost, and (b) that I'll only get a few frontrunners from lefty.
So I'm worried that I've crapped out on this cycle already. And this was my first absolutely perfect cycle on my part. Every shot taken exactly on time. No pill forgotten.
Ah well, I'm off to face the giant needle up the zizi. Wish me luck. I'll give you numbers today or tomorrow.
A place where I rant about infertility, miscarriages, fibroids, surgery, and the bloodsucking HMOs.
Me on a Blurry Day
Who is this crazy Babychaser, anyway?
- the Babychaser:
- DC Metro Area (Maryland), United States
- I'm 36 now, and the clock is most definitely ticking it's fool head off. Started TTC in June 2005. We bought our first home in April 2004, and now it just seem silent and empty and waiting for the family we planned to fill it with. Natural conception (finally!) in March 2006. Miscarriage at 5 weeks. (Oddly, my sister, who was in her second trimester, miscarried only 3 weeks earlier.) More TTC, no luck. Just charting and stressing and a ruined sex life. Started IF treatment in September 2006. So far, nothing but two more lost pregnancies, an ugly scar across my bikini line, a drained bank account, and another year older. Have been facing depression, despair, manic research on adoption, more depression and despair at discovery that adoption seems even harder than trying to make your own baby. Trying to find some hope and joy in life. Maybe in the spring, when the flowers start to bloom? But it almost doesn't matter--depressed or not, broke or flush, I can't stop chasing that elusive baby....
Other Kick-Ass Blogs
- (Mis)conceptions: An Infertility Blog
- Are We There Yet?
- Beauty Courage
- Bee in the Bonnet
- Chasing a Child
- Dear Gherkin
- Empty Uterus Syndrome
- Fertility Challenged in Florida
- Good Egg Hunting
- Helping Make Sense
- Life from Here: Musings from the Edge
- Life in the Catpad
- On To Plan B
- Our Roller Coaster Ride...
- Pee-Sticks and Stones
- Quest for a Lifetime
- Reproductively Challenged
- Sluggish Butterfly
- Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
- The Art of Being Infertile
- The Young and the Infertile
- Who Shot My Stork
- Working On It
My Infertility Resume
- May 2008: Another BFP! Another embryo that fails to thrive. Another early miscarraige.
- April 2008: Start frozen embryo transfer with the two runners-up from the last cycle. Not terribly hopeful one of them is going to make it, giving what happened to the other three.
- April 2008: Big Fucking Negative. Unbelievable.
- April 2008: Retrieval and transfer. And now we wait....
- March 2008: Begin 3rd IVF cycle.
- January-February 2008, healing, waiting, not terribly eager to get back on the roller coaster.
- December 2007: Open myomectomy to remove fibroid. (Turns out I'm not ready to give up just yet.) THREE small fibroids removed, not just one. Endometriosis that I didn't know about found on ovary and "zapped"--apparently this is a medical term.
- November 2007: Emergency vacation! Apparently people CAN be so sorry for you that they offer up their vacation homes in Puerto Rico for free!
- October 2007: Become obsessed with adopting RIGHT NOW! Go to wonderful information session on international adoption. Considering Ethiopia.
- September - October 2007. Finally start bleeding and formally "micarry". Still have to go to doc's office every couple of days to track very slowly dropping beta numbers.
- September 2007: First methotrexate shots didn't do it--repeat 2 weeks later. Have to try to explain to radiology department that I don't know how to answer the question "how far along are you?", because pregnancy ended two weeks ago, but still isn't quite over.
- September 2007: micarraige due to ectopic pregnancy. Horrible pain, have to drive myself to the ER (husband out of town), where I learn that smashingly successful embryo has settled in fallopian tube. Methotrexate shot.
- August 2007: PREGNANT! And with really high beta numbers! Maybe, just maybe, it didn't implant next to the fibroid. Maybe if we can get through 3 months we'll be safe.
- August 2007: mid-cycle, learn that fibroid has doubled in size, likely due to stims. Concern that pregnacy, if achieved, will be very risky. Decide to go for it anyway, rather than freeze embryos.
- August 2007: Begin second IVF cycle
- June 2007: Repeat visits to RE's office to check blood, because beta level's won't drop. Concern about ectopic pregnancy. Go up for fancy sono, but nothing's there. Feel like I'm being punished having to go to doc's office early in the morning every other day when I'm not even in a cycle.
- May 2007: First IVF cycle. 11 embryos, all fertilize with ICSI. Transfer 3 at blast. None survive another day to freeze. Results: POSITIVE (but then why am I bleeding?) Two positive tests--which means 6 days of "pregnant", before confirming miscarriage. (They call this a "chemical pregnancy". I called it "I guess you CAN be a little bit pregnant.")
- December 2006: Third IUI cycle. Again: BFN. Take it pretty hard, as it comes right before due date from lost pregnancy.
- November 2006: Second IUI cycle. Learn about fibroid, but RE says it's small and not to worry. Result: BFN
- October 2006: First IUI cycle. Convinced that it would work (after all, we got pregnant once without it!) Result: BFN
- September 2006: first visit to RE
- June 2006: TTC again
- April 2006: Miscarriage (after only 2 weeks of knowing I was pregnant). First time I saw a doctor for this pregnancy was when I lost it.
- March 2006: PREGNANT! Huzzah! Sign up for weekly e-mails on my baby's development, start looking for baby names, freak out because baby is due 2 days before Christmas
- July 2005: panic sets in early, begin charting
- June 2005: begin TTC
Sigh... spring is coming....
11 comments:
My daughter is going to retrieval on 3rd IVF tomorrow. This one is a "Destination IVF" b/c of past failures. Things are "iffy" right now, so we're less than hopeful. I hope your retrieval goes smoothly and the stars align. Such a brutal process, isn't it? Please post your numbers, etc., later today! Good luck!!
Melinda
Sorry for double comment, but I just noticed you're in Maryland. So is my daughter right now. Which clinic??
Good luck! I'll be thinking of you, and hoping for more eggs than you're currently expecting.
Big hugs from all the way across the Atlantic!
Wishing you the best of luck with the retrieval!
Huge crazy luck headed your way. I hope everything goes (went by now probably) well.
You never know how many they're going to retrieve until they get in there and do it. I hope you get many good quality ones! Good Luck!
Thinking of you today and hoping that despite your worries you get good news on the harvest. Hope you're recovering well and having a cozy day today.
Luck, luck, luck! I wish you ALL the best.
I know how hard you try to get everything right with your cycles, and I know that it has to be frustrating when you know you've done everything exactly right and you get a funky response. It's just so damn hard when things are out of your control (at least for me, they are...).
I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you, as well as all my good retrieval energy floating your way. May today's procedure be a huge success!
I also wish you a warm and comfortable recovery. We're cheering for you!
Good luck! I hope some fantastic follies have been hiding out on the dark side of the ovaries, waiting to grow into brilliant little blasts.
Good luck hon!
I have the EXACT same problems with righty vs. lefty. Lefty has most of the cysts and performs very poorly. Righty does all the work.
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